Divorce Shame

 

I have been legally married according to the laws of my state and federal government three times. Only one of these unions is a covenant marriage grounded in Yahuah and His instructions for life.  Until recently I have carried such guilt and shame for my past failed marriages.  I have had really skewed understanding of the Scriptures about marriage,  divorce,  and remarriage. And I clearly received poor counsel from well meaning church leaders. 

I found myself in the Pastor's office frequently during my second marriage seeking help. The fact that there was abuse in my marriage was not a secret.  My ex attended church with me often enough that people could see we had problems. Each time I asked for counsel, I was proposed the same question: are you being stiff-necked? The verses about being submissive and having an unbelieving spouse were quoted, and I was dismissed.  Not sure why I kept going back, maybe because I knew the answers were in my Bible, just not known to me. My Father in Heaven surely cared about my situation and had solutions for me. 

I spent many years under the impression that I was to persevere thru the abuse, it was just my cross to bear. It would endear me to My Heavenly Father, I would be made Holy and bring Holiness to my husband and children by enduring.  After 21.5 years of marriage this husband told me he needed a girlfriend to satisfy his needs, he just wasn't happy. No duh he wasn't happy, he made that clear every day. The real abuse started six months into the marriage when I discovered I was pregnant, and it didn't let up.  My first thought was: I believe I just saw the final straw. Hit me like a punch. I knew I was going to leave him, but I hated the thought that this decision would put me at odds with the perfect will of my Father in Heaven. Oh how I prayed for mercy, I was convinced I was committing an intentional sin. I just couldn't do it anymore. 

I did get that divorce. It was a difficult time, my sons were upset me, my relationship with them was terribly strained. Their father did his best to turn them against me. The guilt and shame was overwhelming, but I could only go forward. In a short period of time the man who would become my third husband entered my life. (I would refer you to a previous blog entry titled: Best Husband Ever dated 9/10/24 for this story.) We married 3 years later, we've been married 9 years now, and these have been the best years of my life. I am truly blessed, yet it wasn't until recently that I found some sound biblical teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Such a blessing, no more guilt and shame. No more guessing whether I am within my Father's will. No more hoping for mercy about my divorce and remarriage. I can now see what I couldn't see before. I have often said that I am thankful for my failed marriages because the misery and pain drew me closer to my Yah, and this is true. Yet I am so happy to be on this side of it. 

Here are the web addresses to the teachings I discovered. Copy and paste in the search bar. The first one is a whole playlist of teachings. Enjoy!

Matthew Janzen with Ministers of the New Covenant 

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLGeyl5M-I3q_Q7FdBvq3UW76yLD6UHdnk&si=lFiizivwxB8sgG87

https://www.youtube.com/live/ryZGAV18bfw?si=Y5fMTOFOGLCZtF-H

Blessed beyond measure 

Teresa

Turn From Our Wicked Ways

 

For several years I have been praying that the corruption in our world be exposed. I didn't pray for what should come next, repentance, but the election results have given me some encouragement.  I honestly didn't put much faith in the recent US Presidential Election, but my faith has been somewhat restored in the citizens of the United States. I'm also seeing this resurgence of family morals all over the world.  Everywhere people are rejecting "progessive"/antihuman policies. 

It is without doubt that Donald J Trump has unified this counrty like no one else in my lifetime.  Many self important "celebrities" tried to convince the masses to not choose this unifying individual, and they failed miserably. So either the celebrities weren't as influential as they thought or the people are waking up and opening their eyes to the evil and darkness trying to take over. Both are most likely true. This waking up and opening eyes is also moving people to seek their Creator and Savior. 

So are we at that place where we seek Yah and turn from our wicked ways that our land may be healed? Sure looks like that's the will of the people. How strong is the will of the people? Some folks will be passionate for a short time, and others will take the torch and lead the way for the long haul.  Do not be fooled, the darkness is still there. This darkness is desperate because time is short. The more people who turn to Yah and away from their wicked ways, the brighter the light that disspels the darkness.  

I hope and pray for those of us who have been following Jesus/Yahusha. Let us self reflect and weigh our current understanding of the Holy Scriptures. Let us question our walk in this faith. Are we making compromises? Are we following traditions of men? Are we sure we are walking it out correctly? Is there any unclean way in us? Are we meek enough to let Him remove the unclean thing? Can we, without bias, identify our wicked ways? Can we know for certain what walking in righteousness looks like and to check ourselves against it? Yah has provided His Loving Instructions for Life that we can know for certain, we do have a template and can discern what is wicked and what is righteousness. We need to read our Bibles and pray: Abba, show me your ways and teach me to walk in them. When we turn from our ways towards His ways, we have indeed repented of our wicked ways. 

A work in progress 

Teresa

My Xmas Story

 

I have one really great Christmas memory. I was elementary school age. After the Christmas parade, in which I had marched with my baton twirling class, my best friend and I were allowed to run around downtown enjoying our giant candy canes. This was 1970's, it was a real downtown, lights, music, happy shoppers, the works, an American Christmas! 

For about 35 years of my life I believed Christmas was a Holy Day, an important Christian celebration, and as an adult, I religiously put up those decorations.  I accumulated debt to buy the gifts I was expected to provide in the family gift exchange, plus the excessive gifts for my kids, I attended Christmas Eve candlelight ceremony, I did all the stuff and found myself feeling empty and discontented every year. I was expecting more. I was expecting an encounter with God. 

While raising my boys I couldn't bring myself to lie to them about Santa (or Easter bunny, or tooth fairy either). I had planned to do the whole Santa thing, but when it came down to it I couldn't.  When the kids asked, I just told them it was a make believe game people play during the holidays.  No Santa wasn't real, yes your family bought the gifts, yes I had them hid till I placed them under the tree, no it's not about Jesus, and please don't tell other kids who are playing the make believe game with their parents. I did, however, get a birthday cake for Jesus every year. Lol, I don't do that any more either.  

My marriage (ex-husband) was contentious, we weren't friends and I was depressed. I am thankful for this situation because I am convinced that my misery lead me to seek my Creator and Savior in desperation. Because of my emptiness and ache for a connection with my Elohim(God) I was eager for Him to show up on Christmas (and Easter) and let His presence be known to me.  Each year I was disappointed at Christmas (and Easter). He wasn't there. When I cried out for truth, a broken woman, He began to show me the answers. 

Creator YHVH gave His Children His Holy Days, His Appointed Times, and His instructions about when to meet with him and how to love Him and His creation. He has set appointments to meet with us. His meeting times have not changed, He hasn't changed. And the big thing for me at the time, was learning that Christmas and Easter, and Sundays were not included in His meeting times. I was showing up to meet Him at the wrong times.  No wonder Xmas seemed so empty,  it is. Yes, Yah is available to us 24/7, but that doesn't negate His appointed times, they still stand.  

It's been 25 years or so now, and I don't miss Xmas at all. The debt, the stress, the questionable pagan traditions, I miss none of it. Some family members are still disappointed that I don't participate,  but I just try to be obedient to The Word. People say, "Jesus is the reason for the Season", but that's just not true. That chosen date, the celebration,  the decorations, and the festivities were all going on before the Birth of Yahusha/Jesus and had nothing to do with him.  Xmas, or the Winter Solstice has been honored since ancient Babylon for rulers who claimed to be deity, as their birth date. Do your own research. Truth matters to me, I am not interested in compromises when it comes to doing Bible things in Bible ways. 

It's been such freedom to shed the traditions of men for the Instructions of Yah. 

A work in progress 

Teresa

*Photos are of my actual hometown downtown and Xmas parade. 

Letter to My Daughters

 Dear Daughters: Harlie, Sarah, Britny, Millie, Tatum, Amy

You are beautiful,  intelligent,  kind, and worthy. Don't let anyone tell you different.  If you will allow me, I'd love to share some wisdom with you.  

Know your worth and don't look for acceptance or validation from someone who is incapable of giving it. Not everyone wants to see you succeed.  But your heavenly Father does. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. You were created on purpose with purpose. And I think you're pretty wonderful. 

A man's greatest need in a relationship is respect. A woman's greatest need in a relationship is security, everything from finances to her friendship with her man. When there are conflicts, take a step back,  and see what needs are not being met. If you simplify the problem, then it's easier to find the solution.  Talk to your man, feed him information. The more he knows the better he can love you.  The Bible tells us: husbands love your wives, wives respect your husbands. That's how men receive love, respect. We receive love by feeling secure. My husband hears me, he values me, he provides for me, therefore he loves me. You may have to tell him when your need isn't being met. He is focused on providing thru his job, give him grace for not knowing,  and tell him gently.

Each of us has a love language as well. Words of affirmation,  quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and gifts. Figure out what is your love language,  then let him know.  Figure out his love language and give it to him. Hint...he may say physical touch. Honestly sharing your body with him provides him with comfort, stress relief, tenderness and much more. Unless your praying and fasting, don't withhold physical love. 

Do not go to bed angry. Do your best to resolve the issue, or at least come to a place of peace before you go to sleep. Letting a problem stew in your mind and in your sleep is unhealthy for you and your marriage.  

A piece of paper from the government doesn't necessarily mean you have a marriage.  Marriage is actually a heart and soul connection.  A commitment to each other and your family.  Many people have a piece of paper and no heart connection,  and I know people who are clearly committed to each other without the paper. That paper is a government approval and a tax on your relationship,  it does give you guaranteed benefits such as next of kin, tax break, and a few others, but it's not mandatory for a Godly marriage. Your commitment is mandatory.  I do recommend you make a public showing of your commitment like a ceremony of some sorts so your extended family can rejoice with you. This also helps to hold us accountable to the commitment. 

Do not take disrespect from your children. You are raising adults, not forever children. You are teaching them how to treat others and how they should expect to be treated. As parents, we need to treat each other with respect, and live it out in front of our kids.  Don't expect respect if you can't give it. They will mimic all your worst behaviors so be careful what little eyes and ears witness. 

Be the doorkeeper against spiritual attacks on your family.  Use your intuition to sense dark spirits in people, and limit those people from your home and access to your children. Avoid the occult in all forms, séance, tarot card and palm readings, and witchcraft of all kinds. Seems innocent because you're not aware of how dark and dangerous it is. You can open doors to the Spirit realm and invite a demonic presence into your home, your body, or even your kids. Please be careful with the darkness,  it's not your friend.  

I love you and desire the best for you.  The best for you is a relationship with your heavenly Father and His Son, your Savior Yahusha/Jesus. It's a journey and I am here to help in any way I can.  

Love Mom, aka Granny

Gifts of The Spirit

The gift of the word of wisdom, the gift of the word of knowledge, the gift of faith, the gift of healing, the gift of doing miracles, the gift of prophecy or speaking Yah's words, the gift of discernment of spirits, the gift of different languages, both the speaking and interpretation. Acts 2:1-47, 1 Corinthians 12:1 -14:40, 1 Peter 4:10-11, Romans 12:1-21, Isaiah 11:1-3, 1 Timothy 4:14-16, Hebrews 2:4, Mark 16:17 is where we read about the Gifts of The Spirit. These verses cover what the Gifts are, how you receive a Gift, structure for using the Gifts in an assembly, purpose for the Gifts, and warnings and assurances about the Gifts. Yet, I still have questions. 

First question: why don't we see believers in Messiah operating in these gifts in mass currently? A internet search says there are 2.38 billion Christians in the world. That's a lot of believers. So why aren't we seeing folks healing like Peter and Paul did? Why is there so little words of wisdom and knowledge being shared? Why? Some people teach that we are no longer in a time for the Gifts to be in effect, but I don't see that in my Bible. So why? 

Second question: why do I find so few teaching on these gifts in the Christian Torah pursuant community? Passion for Truth and Rise on Fire Ministries are the only two I have found so far, that touch on the gifts. 

The gift of tongues or languages is a tough one for me to understand. When I read the scriptures in Acts regarding the gift of languages I see that people were hearing the message in their own language when it was spoken in a language different than their own, a language that is spoken somewhere on earth. The "heavenly language" or "prayer language" people speak about doesn't compute with me. I simply don't get it. I have always considered Hebrew to the the language of creation, therefore the language spoken in heaven. For me to utter sounds I don't understand makes me uncomfortable since Matthew 12:36 warns us that we are accountable for our words. How can I answer for words I don't understand? I'm open to explanations on this. Also, I attended a charismatic church for a few years and witnessed people clearly faking this gift. It was about getting attention for themselves, no one was edified. Now if I suddenly testified in Thai to my Thai neighbor, that I could clearly see the gift of languages operating and edifying. As I write this I think perhaps I have the gift of discernment. 

I would love to receive the gift of healing. I'd clean out a hospital. No broadcasting, just go around touching and praying in the name of Yahusha, watching the wake of joy behind me. This is one gift that can only be given to the most humble of believers, so that probably eliminates me. To shine the light on oneself, and accept laudation could be a major temptation. 

I definitely want more knowledge on this subject, and am open to hear something outside of my currently understanding. 

A work in progress 

Teresa

About Hanukkah

 I began this blog/online diary during the Hanukkah season, with a rededication of the temple, aka my body, to Yah in mind. Well, as things go I've learned more about Hanukkah. The more you know,  the better you do.  I've changed how I handle Hanukkah due to the things I've learned.  Hopefully, I'm doing better.

First  I learned that there likely was no miracle involving the oil to light the menorahs in the temple. This story was recorded in the talmud between 100 and 600 AD, but is not found in any historical documents.  Considering that this event happened approximately 160 years before the birth of Messiah, seems like it would have been recorded before 100 - 600 AD.  Even the Jewish historian Josephus excludes the oil miracle in his account of the Maccabean revolt.

Second, I learned that the descendents of Zadok were not serving as temple high priests with the rededication of the temple (Ezekiel 44:15-16). The Hasmoneans, a Maccabean family, were placed in the priesthood after the Maccabean revolt and came from the tribe of Levi, but not in the succession of Zadok which goes against the Yah's instructions in Ezekiel. How can they be legitimate high priests? They served to usher in the religious leaders with whom Yahusha/Jesus had conflict. They enforced many added laws called the Oral Law thus compounding the burdens on the people.

Thirdly, I  have a problem with the 9 branch Hanukkah menorah. I'm just not comfortable with it being an exaggeration of the Menorah Yah claims as His symbol. So I  no longer display one. I don't light candles for Hanukkah either. The traditional prayer when lighting those candles claims Yah commands it, and that's just not true.  

Hanukkah has always been a national holiday, not a Holy Day instituted by Yah. John 10:22-23 tells us that at the time of The Feast of Dedication, Yahusha/Jesus was in the temple. It doesn't tell us what He was doing, except that the Yehudim/Jewish Leaders surrounded Him to test Him again. I will continue to use Hanukkah as a time of self reflection, seeking to  ensure the temple is pure for the Spirit of The Holy One of Israel to abide. Another opportunity to do a focused cleaning can't be bad thing, right? I hope to be a light. I am including web links that helped me along this path.  

Don't hide your light under a bushel

Teresa

Copy and paste in the search bar:

https://dafaleph.com/home/2015/12/8/the-historicity-of-the-miracle-of-oil

https://youtu.be/6-6sHGm54GE?si=66Sc1p2GYo5-J9ET

https://youtu.be/xqh_xGSIbk4?si=a9DtngBK2v6skzrj

https://youtu.be/xqh_xGSIbk4?si=jtcRBWnp8ZAxlfSM

https://youtu.be/MroOSG5QLus?si=ffClRuL04q8EhbfU

https://encountersinarchaeology.org/the-kingdom-of-god-a-brief-history-of-qumran/