Several years ago, when my boys were growing up, I homeschooled them. As they grew into preteens we began to study courtship. I wanted to provide my boys with the knowledge of Yah's standard in the matters of marriage. I knew so very little when I was young and single, I could have used some help navigating relationships and commitment.
***Disclaimer **** neither of my sons actually participated in Biblical Courtship, but the wisdom and guidance they got from these lessons years ago definitely contribute to the successful marriages they now have. Not to mention the problems they could have avoided if they had only adhered to those lessons.
Courtship is not like dating. Dating is like spouse shopping, but not everyone shopping are serious shoppers. Some just want to do a lot of sampling. And let's be honest, that's what the western cultures have brought us to. Our society doesn't encourage commitment, family, and faith. It promotes self. In Biblical Courtship young people meet each other through family social relationships, mainly "church" or like minded faith groups. Once a young man and young lady realize they are interested in one another, or perhaps just the young man has noticed a Righteous girl, the next step is to see if they are compatible. The young man goes to his father (or Spiritual leader if dad isn't in the picture). If his father approves, they both go to her father. If he agrees, her father goes to her. If she agrees, then step 2.
Step 2, as a family, mom and dad most likely have taught their children what the standards are. So the fathers can meet and come to terms: expectations, rules, boundaries, and such for courtship. This should be in writing, then agreed upon by both fathers and the girl and young man. A duration of time should be set to reassess the relationship, then go to the next level of commitment or end it cordially.
During this first segment of time, and written in the agreement, the couple will meet periodically, speak on the phone occasionally, but mostly write letters to each other. When they meet, they are always chaperoned (No hand holding, no hugs, no kisses. This isn't your wife, she belongs to her father till he gives her in marriage) preferably in a family social setting. Phone calls are never in private. The level of supervision over written correspondence would depend on the family. But some supervision is recommended.
Step 3, next level commitment, is like engagement. The goal is to be married at the end of this time period. How long this is will depend on what is agreed upon by all. Some couples want this time shortened because they know they are all in and are falling in love. Reassess the restrictions, usually a little more freedom and privacy is allowed. BUT ABSOLUTE RESPECT AND PURITY IS PARAMOUNT.
Step 4. Wedding.
The important thing is to vet the prospect and prospective family. Know who you're joining. Be clear about expectations and boundaries. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Yah's standards for marriage, and relationships in general, should be sought out and applied. If you are choosing someone from your faith community your odds for success are increased.
Courtship is a beautiful system. Everyone is protected and the couple are given a safe environment to dive into romantic love. The pressures of society are not noticed because of the covering of the fathers. Fathers standing guard, chaperoning, and setting the standard. Boys don't feel pressured to "try", and girls are not placed in a position to fend off. Instead anticipation for intimacy in marriage builds during a courtship, therefore making it more special, more Set Apart.
I would love to see Biblical Courtship become the norm amongst Torah prusant believers in Yahusha. It could be a beautiful thing.
A work in progress
Teresa
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