Sukkot 2024 Part Deux: what I learned, because it's all a learning process.
In a nutshell I learned that I still have a lot of baggage. Ewww yucky things that I hide away in my regular life. Self protecting stuff that I tend to give myself excuses to use. I desire relationship with other believers yet I am still so guarded. I keep much of myself behind curtains of quiet defensive behaviors. I feel like I'm always on the outside looking in, and am convinced that I do it to myself. Well rejection hurts, that's why.
Bill and I tend to be reclusive in general. We don't have many "friends" we have over for dinner. When we do anything, it's with family. And our family members are not living as Grafted in Believers of Yahusha. Bill and I are the odd men out, so to speak. Our family tolerates the differences, so that's great, but it does instill in us a desire for fellowship with like minded people. Our prayers of course are for the individuals in the family, that they too will see this walk as truth.
Ok, few social friends, no local fellowship, negative past experiences from church people and secular people alike. The meanest folks I ever met, I met in church, and the pain from a back stab delivered by a "friend" while embracing you is, well... you know. Plus childhood trauma...things many of us have come thru. These things create baggage. We want to forgive, and pursue forgiveness with all our hearts, but the more baggage that's piled on, the harder it is. Ha Satan knows this. If he can use enough willing people to help him pile on the wounds and rejection, then he may just keep a person from seeking other people. A person could be closed off from Yah himself, not able to receive all the promises.
Needless to say, I don't want that. I want the fellowship, I want the promises. I pray for help in this matter, of course, but some practical steps to be walked out would be most helpful. I'm open to suggestions. Over these many years Yah has allowed me to be alive and follow Him, I've learned some things. #1 For Yah loved me so much He gave His only begotten Son that I may have eternal life with Him. #2 all things I experience work for my good. #3 He has a plan to prosper me, to better me, to make me like Yahusha. #4 if I keep my focus on Him alone, He will protect me in His wings, no one else really matters #5 He will lift me up regardless of who puts me down #6 I am blessed when I'm rejected for His sake. And so many more.
To see this baggage is the first step to getting rid of it. I can see.
A work in progress
Teresa
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