Modesty Reality Check

 

My wardrobe, or the collection of clothes I wear, changes over time. I'm sure that's common to most people.  I have thought, for the past few years, that I was in a weird phase. I didn't feel like an old lady, so I didn't want to dress like one,  but I was definitely too old for some styles. All the while navigating this fashion dilemma, it never occurred to me that I was immodest. 

I had an experience recently that gave me a modesty reality check. I had opportunity to visit with someone I hadn't seen in 35 years plus. This person happened to be a male family member, who, upon his arrival,  was very open about his attraction to me and that he noticed he could see thru my dress when I stood with the sun behind me. Holy Cow! I think I choked on my saliva when he said that. I felt dirty, exposed, violated, stupid, guilty, embarrassed, and my insides had that sinking feeling. I wanted to run and hide. 

I didn't run and hide, I moved so the sun wasn't behind me. Finished that visit with as much dignity as I could muster. I voiced my husband's definite disapproval of the conversation should he hear of it, and he would hear of it because I don't hide things from him. I also learned a difficult lesson a woman of my age and maturity in this walk should be embarrassed about. And I am, but I asked to be shown my sin and to be led into repentance. 

And if that weren't enough, I also had an embarrassing situation at my friend's house. She has a swimming pool, and I can't seem to find an appropriate swim suit. I think I may just wear shorts, t-shirt, ( with my undies) in the future if I attempt getting in the pool again. I hated feeling overexposed, being on display, and it's my own fault.

That brings us back to my wardrobe, I've added cotton slips, layers, and more attention to how I dress. I'm looking to buy or make shirt extenders to cover my bottom and leg separation when I wear leggings and other pants. Being more deliberate with modesty has opened my eyes to how much feminism has influenced my life that I didn't see before. 

 We will soon celebrate Hanukkah, in our house it's a time to rededicate your body, The Temple of the Most High. Clean house, make it a more acceptable dwelling for Him. Prayerfully seeking those overlooked, excused, and trivialized things I do that cast shadow on my testimony and walk, that I may repent and re-aim for the goal. 

It's a Journey. Be kind

I continually stand amazed at every turn in this jouney, my journey in the Way. Even what I call it, has been a journey.  Each new understanding I have is a turn on the road. I suppose my path hasn't been straight because I had so many things to unlearn, then relearn correctly.  Will there be more turns? I imagine so, this whole headcovering topic is a loopty loop turn. A direction, a subject that was NEVER on my radar when I attended church, and here I am covering. Therefore, I am looking forward to more curves and turns in only-Yahusha-knows what direction. He leads, I follow.  

Seeing how patient Yah is with me on this journey is overwhelming.  Mostly I see it looking back. Back on the day, back on how I missed the mark, again. So close, and yet so far. Seldom do I realize in that moment how He covers me. Yet He does. I have an Advocate. An opportunity to re-aim for that mark. He is faithful to convict me to look back and see, and faithful to lead me into repentance and restoration of relationship. 

We must be patient, kind, long-suffering even with each other as brothers and sisters along the Way of the Natzrim, some of us are further along the path than others. Unity is lacking and pride abounds. I grieve for the lack of love I have seen.  When you cannot abide fellowship with someone who doesn't understand something the same as you,  something that is not a salvation issue, then you may not have much fellowship.  If you want to share your conception of the Scriptures,  do so in love, being patient and kind, not boastful or proud. 

Head Covering

 I Corinthians 11 

Honestly I never paid that much attention to I Corinthians 11 in all my 50+ years of Christianity.  Once I became Torah obedient, 20+ years ago,  I began to use a prayer shawl covering during corporate prayer, which was rare since I had stopped attending Sunday worship. Recently I joined a Facebook group called Daughters of Yah.  There, head covering came to the forefront.  I asked questions of the lovely ladies in the group and they answered in love.  Soon afterward my husband and I drove to Missouri and joined the Parable of the Vineyard folks for baptism.  I felt moved to cover that day.  No idea why. It was not my habit.  It was such a joyous day.  It occurred to me to cover every Shabbat and Holy Days.  I had been pressing in prayer for my husband, surely an outward sign of my submission to him as my Spiritual leader and the high esteem I hold him, would be appropriate. And, another way to keep the Sabbath Holy.  My husband has reacted favorably, he is very attentive.  He listened to all the teaching I was hearing on the subject.  

I have continued to seek information and other's testimonies regarding covering.  I read one story where a little girl who had come out of sexual abuse was led to cover by her adoptive mother, she was tormented by demons, but when she covered, the voices were silenced.  This fascinated me.  I am wondering about the covering, what the scripture says about the Angels, and demonic voices being silenced!!!  Another lady expressed that covering calmed her anxiety. I sometimes overthink things, my mind will go over a troubling thought again and again.  In the past I would pray, uncovered, take each thought captive, or try to anyhow.  It was always a struggle.  Recently, I haven't noticed that at all.  

I have been making it a point to cover when praying always.  I leave a scarf in my car, I pray when I drive.  Last night as I was laying down to sleep, I drew the covers over my head and prayed... I was overwhelmed with emotion.  My prayers were deep repentance and confessions of past sins I hadn't thought of or that I was consciously unaware, tears pouring from my eyes, I felt washed clean.  I was so relaxed and calm, sleep came easily.  There is much I have yet to learn, and Yah willing, I will continue to grow.  

And dear reader, I fully understand that head covering is a cultural thing and not a commandment. I am just following the lead of the Ruach, testing as I go.  This may just be a lesson to be learned, or a season which will pass, I am open.  I do not cover full time due to my job.  Covering at work would be inconvenient but not impossible.  If the day comes where I am convicted to cover full time I will approach my boss about it. 

I have been practicing for a couple of months, bought a nonslip headband which was a game changer.  Pictures are of my newest wrap. I am getting better, and trying more styles, but my go to is one of those tube fabric things from Walmart. Easy done, and super simple, plus inexpensive. May Yah be praised in all I do. May His will be done, and Yahusha be glorified. 

🙏 

Teresa