One Autumn Day

One Autumn day, many years ago, we were walking together. This had been our custom since I was very young. We would walk, I would talk or sing, He would just listen. I actually cannot remember a time I did not know Him.  Well, anyways, we were walking, and I searched for the words to ask Him a question.  I had really been less than satisfied with my understanding lately.  I was so full of questions, and  no one seemed to have any answers. If the answers were in the text, I wasn't seeing it.

Asking Him is no small thing. In my walk with Him I had learned to be careful for what you ask. The answer may not be what you had in mind. It may be something you did not bargain for. It may be "no". Regardless of what the answer is, once you have been given wisdom, knowledge, or insight, you are now responsible for what you do with it. You cannot go back and act like you did before.

I was a youth pastor at the time, at Covenant Fellowship in Cushing. I loved doing that. I loved the kids so much. I loved leading the kids in exploring their relationship with Him.  Teens can ask some good questions, there were a few who were really serious about their faith and the scriptures. Each week I was studying the scriptures to answer questions for the youth group and to prepare a lesson. In the process of this weekly, I too had new questions.

As I read my Bible I believed it, so I wanted to live in His blessings and presence, but I also saw the reality of the "good Christian" people around me not living in blessings or victory. One of the classes I had taken was called Victorious Christian Living. It had really great instruction that I still use today, but still not what I meant. Each holiday I hoped for some sort of special something, like a real connection, but He was not really there. Disappointment each time. I wanted to pull back the veil and really see Him.  I know there is more! I feel hungry for something I cannot put my finger on. My heart aches to really know you.  I know there is more! Moses had it! Others knew you in a deeper way, the early church knew you in a very different way than it does today. I want more. Show me your ways and teach me to walk in them. Little did I know that would start me on a journey in my walk with Him that was beyond my imagination up to that point.  Like I said before, once you are given wisdom, knowledge or insight, you are then responsible to apply it. No more pleading ignorance and going against His will, no riding the fence, no getting around it. Obedience or disobedience, blessings or cursing, choose.

Funny how you can get complacent in a relationship, even a relationship you truly cherish. But I think in a way I had become complacent in our relationship, I was content for a few too many years in the things I thought I knew. I know it was the leading of the Holy Spirit thru the youth group that brought those desires to my heart.  The very next time I went to research a lesson for the youth, I came across an article by Mark Ensign. This article intrigued me so much I contacted the author. He began emailing me weekly Bible lessons. I also searched for more information, I was very discerning. Everything had to be weighed against what I already knew, agree with the Holy Written Scriptures, and be confirmed by two or three scriptures. I was learning so much. It's like when a puzzle comes together, everything fits, and you see something you didn't see before. http://www.seekingthetruth.com/articles/torahnotlaw.pdf

His ways, my ways

As my studies progressed, I was confronted many times with a crossroads. His ways are not our ways. Surprise! He has given the people who love Him specific days and methods of worship. Surprise again, they are not the same days and methods I had been using. I learned that many of the ways and practices I had been taught to use in worship are contrary to His word. I had my moments of defending my ways, But Lord you know my heart, I am worshiping you and giving you honor with my traditions. Unfortunately my child, your heart is in rebellion. I put before you blessings or cursing, choose the blessings. But Lord I will be alone. How about I do both? I will keep your ways and the traditions I grew up with. Oh my child, you will not be alone, you will be set apart. Doing both is mixing my Holy things with the ways of the world. This is unacceptable. Choose the blessings.  Sometimes I explain it like this to people.  I am simply following the instruction guide.  Say a man invents a lawn mower.  He made it so he knows the best way to take care of it and to get the best performance from the equipment.  So as the owner of the lawn mower I will read the manual and learn how to take care of the mower. If I give it the wrong fuel, it won't run right. If I don't do regular maintenance it won't preform for me very well nor for very long.  YHVH, the creator of all things, has given us a manual, instruction guide, doctrine. I'm just trying to follow the instructions. This will result in life abundantly, and blessings chasing me down and taking me over. Everything else He said is true why wouldn't that be as well? 

My response to salvation

Legalism is a word that gets thrown around when a person strays from the recognized church traditions and into the Old Testament ways of faith.  I've been told that these are Jewish things, and I understand that, the Jews are the ones we connect with Saturday Sabbath, eating Kosher and keeping of the High Holy Days.  They have been blessed to be protectors of the Torah. I have been told these are OLD testament things, we have the NEW testament, I guess like throw the old away.  Yet I have come to understand that keeping His instructions are easy. In the renewed covenant He promises to write His word on the hearts of those who love Him.  Now hearing and doing His instructions are my natural response to being saved. I desire to do His will as I come to know it because He saved me.  I do love the Torah because it is concrete. Seems that people float around in unhappy Christianity many times because the thinking is so abstract they cannot figure out how to apply it to their lives to have peace.

Another Hanukkah

I began this blog as an exercise in "Tending the Temple" as Hanukkah is a celebration remembering a time when the Holy Temple of YHVH was restored and a miracle occurred in that restoration.  My body is the temple in this Renewed Covenant of which I am part.  He resides within me.  I must be diligent in keeping the temple a place for the Holy One. 

Blessed be YHVH, King of the Universe
Blessed be Yahusha, Messiah
Amen

Time Flies

Time flies.  September 8th was our 3rd wedding anniversary. I've known Bill since I was 14 and he was 12. Seems like I've known him forever and yet we are still newly weds.

Our grandchildren are growing like weeds. Millie is 8, Charlie is 7, Amy is 13months, Ethan is 11? and Tatum will be 5 this November. We spend as much time with them as we can. Some day we will be too lame to hang with. But for now, they still seem to want to come see us. 

We are truly blessed. Everyone is healthy. My oldest is getting remarried to a wonderful woman. I think very highly of her. I have full faith that she loves my son. She would do anything within her power to help him if he ever needed it. They are going to be very good together. My younger son seems to be getting his life together as well. He is working steady, taking care of his woman and baby. He has made some very good life choices, like taking a job on the pipeline. He has such an opportunity there. Keeping my fingers crossed. Our daughter and family are on the healing side of some unfortunate life detours. We do try to encourage our adult children to get back up and keep going. Life is a series of ups and downs . Some are the result of our own choices and some are the result of other's choices, and still yet some are the result of nature or coincidence, regardless, get back up. We love you all, and will always be a foundation you can reconnect with to get your bearings when you loose your way. Till we breath no more.  

My ex-daughter-in-law has just remarried. I'm hoping the best for them. Their success directly affects my grandchildren, so I do hope and pray for blessings there. Everyone is moving on, that is a very good thing. When you move on and are happy you are not so concerned with getting even for the past. Children are savvy to way more than adults think they are. They will figure the truth by what they experience rather than what they are told. 

Praying blessings over all of our kids and grandkids. Blessings over all of our friends and family. May  YaHoVaH reveal Himself to you in a renewed, deeper, brighter, unexpected way. Blessings come by way of obedience. I put before you this day, blessings or cursings. Choose the blessings.

Love T

Purging and holding on

I am so thankful for the paid days off I had at the end of the year.  I got the chance to clean my house thoroughly. I threw away a large green trash bag, of old clothes and gift wrapping mostly, and cleared out a closet. Heck, if I haven't used or needed these things in the last say...3+ years since I placed them there, then I don't need them. Out it goes. I have a natural tendency to be a hoarder.

My Granny, Bless her heart, was a hoarder of sorts. She never threw anything out. It was kinda cool, for instance she had all kinds of weird, old things stashed away in drawers, shelves, and cabinets. Everything had a story too. And some things, she had forgotten it's story, but it was cool anyhow. I have many of her things, mixing bowls, rolling pin, saucers, serving plate, knives, knife sharpener, pliers, scales, sweaters, art, sewing machine, jewelry, and I'm sure there are other things that haven't come to mind. I keep these things because they were hers. I use them because I connect with her when I do. She taught me unconditional love. She was so special to me. It is good to hold on to some things. I wonder if my children or grandchildren will want to connect with me in that way.

As I contemplate these sentimental notions I look within to see what I need to clear out of me, myself. Perhaps I can see something to hold on to as well. I know right off that withholding forgiveness is an issue with me. I also know from experience that praying for someone is one sure fire way of getting to that place of letting go and resting in pure forgiveness. I mean concentrated committed routinely praying for them. Pray for their health, their success, their relationships, or sometimes just for blessings over them. Then I can have peace, Lord knows I want peace. So, I am praying.

Ok, what to hold on to? Hold on to the wisdom I have gained over these years of seeking YHVH/Yeshua. I know full well that I must freely forgive. I will freely receive as I freely give. Why must I try to self protect? Oh, yeah, I know that too. Lack of faith. Faith without works is dead. Do it, not just "believe" it. Ya is so faithful to be patient with me. To know something in your head, repeat the verses with your lips is one thing. To live it out because it is spoken from your heart, through your body, your being, that is quite another. THAT IS THE GOAL.
Working on it. Still haven't gotten on the elliptical machine, but hey, progress is progress. TTFN